motherhood

Jessi — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:29:54 +0000

I wanted to share this post I wrote about my Motherhood journey for a friend’s blog series. Keep in mind that I am 39+ weeks pregnant and full of hormones!! I am crying all the time for no reason at all and things that used to be ordinary seem to bring out a ton of emotion. So if you are in the mood for a good cry, please feel free to join me!

There is something so universal about the experience of Motherhood. It bonds us together over something that is greater than ourselves. Its pretty incredible when you think about it. I can read a story from a mom I have never met but through her story I know a part of her that runs so deep and is so central to who she is, my heart immediately connects to hers. She talks about love, and I know that love. She talks about pain and I have felt that pain. She talks about joy and I KNOW that joy. Our hearts are tied together.

The other night I was watching a news story about a family in the process of adopting a little girl from the Congo. At some point in the process they received news that they had detected a rare heart defect, it was most likely terminal. The question posed to them by the adoption agency, “ Do you still want her?”

As the mother recalled that moment she said there wasn’t even a question in her mind, she almost couldn’t believe what they were asking her. “Of course. She’s our daughter.”

That little orphan girl who would have been left alone to suffer in a hospital bed with a limited time left to live boarded a plane to meet her family. They went directly from the airport to the hospital where they would stay for thirty-three days.

For thirty-three days they watched her in that hospital bed, never leaving her side. They gave her all of the love they could have given her for those thirty-three days, so when she died she knew was not alone and she was loved.

The news story ended with the reporter asking, “I can see what was in it for her, but what was in it for you?” The mom responded, “It ripped my heart out AND I would do it again. Truth is, I didn’t do anything any other mother wouldn’t have done.”

The reporter closed, “And tomorrow (Mother’s Day) we will celebrate just how true that is.”

This is who we are! This is what we do! The universal heart of a mother is to do what makes NO sense because the crazy love she feels is the only thing that makes sense. So she does the incredible, the selfless and sometimes the crazy thing. I guess that is what it is to be a mother.

Whether it was thru a scream that you will never forget, by the skilled hands of a doctor or when you were handed that baby you had waited for so patiently. It was that moment when you first held that perfect, squishy little body that you were changed forever. At least it was for me.

When I think about going through the process of labor again in these next few days the moment I come back to more than any other is the moment I first held Anniston. More than any other experience in my life that moment felt like magic. I can’t explain it and it feels a little dramatic calling it that but there are few other words that describe it accurately.

Something happened in that moment that I can’t recreate, it was something outside of myself. Something so powerful, the thought of it brings me to tears. It was that moment when a whole other part of me was born. It’s that moment, that emotion, that love that motivates me to go through that whole process over again.

Any day now we are going to meet our baby. I will become a mom to another little girl.

We dream, we pray, we prepare our hearts the best we can for the moment we get to meet them but we know that nothing can prepare us for how they will change us.

God uses our bodies to give them life but He uses them to change our lives. We lay down our lives to provide for theirs but ultimately they help us become more of who are meant to be. They are the gospel bearers in our lives. They might not speak it to us in words but they drive it deeper into our hearts.

They bring us to the ends of ourselves and we meet Him there. Our love for them drives us to move beyond our selfish ways to lay our lives down for someone else. We experience more of what it means to follow Him.

We are humbled, we become teachable, we see the world thru their eyes. Our joy is multiplied AND our fear is multiplied, we love deeper and we grieve deeper, and all of that leads us to Him.

It is rich, it is beautiful, it is painful. It drives us to need Him more, to know Him more and to love Him more.

I guess this is what it means (for me) to be a mom, and I am so thankful for it!

I love sharing about my journey in Motherhood on my blog. I would love to connect with you more there.

coming full circle

Jessi — Fri, 10 May 2013 03:39:40 +0000

It’s a silly thing but Anniston started saying, “I miss you” this week. She says it to Joe when he leaves for work, and then again when he comes home. She’ll say it to me when she wakes up in the morning and then when she wakes up from her nap.

Oh, it kills me! “I MISH SHU!”

Tonight Joe and I sat and mimicked the way her sweet voice says it and we gushed over the way she melts us. While we sat there, I had a moment where I thought back on how this all started.

Phone call after phone call ending in “I miss you.”

Text message after text message saying, “I miss you!”

A long distance relationship where our reality was, ” I miss you!”

And then one day realizing, “I don’t want to miss you anymore.”

Now, we are a family and that sweet, “I miss you” has come full circle.

It’s been a week without writing but a week full of moments I want to savor forever. It’s been a week full of cherishing the beautiful thing it is to be a family. We are ready for you baby girl.

joy

Jessi — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:55:38 +0000

If nothing else, this spring has reminded us…

the deeper the pain, the greater the joy.

Happy Spring!

this is enough for us

Jessi — Fri, 03 May 2013 03:17:13 +0000

It’s the middle of the night. I wake up in a panic. My heart has been feeling restless for days. I’ve been ignoring many things that should be my priorities and living to check off my to-do list. My mind begins to race thinking through everything I want to get done before the baby comes. The more time I spend thinking the more apparent it becomes those things just aren’t going to happen. I just want to go back to sleep but my restless mind keeps racing.

And then the thoughts flooding my mind are interrupted by these familiar words:

“Away in a manger no crib for a bed, the little Lord Jesus lay down His sweet head…”

Still tossing back and forth in bed the picture in my mind shifts from our home in disarray to the picture of a cattle shed. I no longer see my little girl without her crib but my savior laying in a feeding trough. I feel my restlessness settle as I think about Mary wandering the town just looking for somewhere to stay, somewhere to find shelter.

If a feeding trough in a cattle shed was good enough for our Savior, surely our a home under construction is good enough for our sweet girl.

I’m realizing I have bought into the American ideal of motherhood. I’ve pinned the pictures of the perfect nursery. I’ve read the lists of “must do’s”. I’ve researched all of the baby gear and made lists and lists of all we need. I’ve pictured us bringing our baby into her new home, and it would look beautiful. I would have all of her coordinated necessities organized and easily accessible. I would have prepared everything. I would have read everything. I would be ready!

I might not want to admit it, but I know I’ve bought into this ideal of motherhood. I am 38 weeks pregnant and that home I had pictured is under construction. The projects aren’t done and almost nothing is organized. I am not the mom who has met any of the expectations of my pin board or my to do lists, and I feel restless.

And so…

This moment of pause in the middle of the night gave me a chance to choose His way over my way, a chance to choose grace over performance. It helped me change my mind, to choose a new picture.

I want to hold my baby girl in the midst of chaos and know that we have everything we need. I want to hold her and embrace the mess. I want to invite her into a life of leaning on grace, not perfection.

No crib, no dresser, no space to call her own but if a feeding trough in a cattle shed was enough for Him this is enough for us.

Anni Style

Jessi — Wed, 01 May 2013 03:02:19 +0000

homemade coffee toffee ice cream

Jessi — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:53:39 +0000

This recipe is the best kind of compromise. My favorite coffee ice cream + hubby’s favorite toffee ice cream.

It’s been fun sharing some of our favorite ice cream recipes! I hope you’ve enjoyed! Have a great weekend!

Ingredients:

1 1/2 Cup Heavy Cream

1 1/2 Cup Whole Milk

1 tsp Vanilla

1/2 Cup Decaf Espresso (or very strong coffee)

Chopped Toffee or Almonds

Directions:

Simply mix all of your ingredients together.

Make sure the coffee has been chilled before adding it to the milk mixture.

Add the toffee at the very end before adding the mixture to your ice cream maker.

Follow the directions of your ice cream maker.

Enjoy!

Overcome the Lie

Jessi — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 12:00:00 +0000

I have often felt alone in my thoughts, alone in the fight to cling to truth. At times, it’s hard to even speak my thoughts out loud because I wonder if anyone else will understand.

I am someone who feels emotions deeply and it can be a challenge to simply let my emotions be emotions and not let my emotions become truth. It takes a lot of intention to choose to believe. I feel like I have to fight extra hard against strong emotions. I can feel alone in this too.

I think many of us can feel this way. I think that is the enemy’s desire, that we would feel alone. God’s Word and the voices of others speaking truth are our greatest weapons in this fight. That is why I am excited to share about a movement called Overcome the Lie.

When Ashley first wrote me about Overcome the Lie she wrote this:

“We exist to empower a generation of women to overcome the lie because Jesus overcame the grave. We are passionate about seeing women rise up in victory and call out the identity and the treasure in one another. My hope is that we would raise up a company of women who walk in wholeness, who declare the truth boldly and who advance the Kingdom with power. “

My thoughts?

Beautiful.

This is significant. This is needed.

I love this woman’s heart and her vision I want to be a part of it.

Today is my stop on the blog tour! So here is my story…

I have started to notice that many of the lies that I had wrestled and fought in the past have found their way back into my life. They were seeds that were planted a very long time ago and their roots have grown deep . They have come back looking and sounding a little different but the root is still the same.

One of the lies I have seen creep back into my life what I like to call “The Martha Lie”.

You might be familiar with the story of Mary and Martha. It is a story of two sisters that welcomed Jesus into their home. The difference between the two sisters is how they spend their time. Martha spent all of her time doing things to prepare and care for Jesus while Mary sat at His feet. Martha thought she was doing what was necessary but Mary was doing what was best.

I still think about one of the first times someone put their finger on my Martha ways. Right after I had graduated from college I was raising funds to be in full time ministry with college students. I would spend my days meeting with potential financial partners casting vision for what this ministry would look like. I was at lunch meeting with a woman I had met at church. I was going through my normal vision casting routine, sharing all of the things that our ministry would involve. Just when it seemed like she was really catching the vision she stopped me.

“Jessi, I love all of this. I have no doubt that you will work very hard and that you will see a lot of lives changed. I hear you talking about all of these things but I have to wonder… If all you ever did was love Jesus, would that be enough?”

I felt a little defensive at first, that really wasn’t the point of what I was sharing. I felt deflated after sharing my heart and vision knowing that she had come away with that. But deep down I knew that she wasn’t speaking for herself, God had given her insight into my Martha heart. She had seen the restlessness and the need to prove myself. The false belief that by doing all of these things for God would make me ok. The belief that without all of these things my life would be meaningless. He gave her insight that my worship was doing things for God, not simply adoring and enjoying Him, I was just like Martha.

The meeting didn’t go at all as I had planned but it’s a meeting I still think about today. Confronted with a false belief that was keeping me from experiencing the deep, rich and life changing relationship I was meant to experience. The false belief at its core is that I feel responsible to make myself pleasing in His sight. When the reality is simple. Jesus makes me more than pleasing to Him SO THAT I can worship Him free from performance. It really is enough if all I ever did was love Jesus.

Today the behavior is different but the lie is still the same. I still find myself finding a needing to do it all. I still fight the need to perform for God. I still see that desire to somehow make myself more pleasing to Him. I often doing really good things but they are keeping me from the best thing.

My Martha ways grieve me. I don’t want to spend my life missing out on the joy that comes from sitting at His feet. I don’t want to miss out on the freedom and acceptance that comes from knowing that I am already pleasing. I don’t want to miss out on worshipping Him and enjoying Him with all that I am.

I want to overcome the Martha lie and live like Mary.

Connect to Overcome the Lie! Find them here:

Twitter. Facebook. Blog.

feathers & lace

Jessi — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 19:01:12 +0000

April 23rd and I’m 37 weeks pregnant with my May baby. This morning we woke up to ANOTHER six inches of snow. With 70s in the forecast this just might be the last time. With that little bit of hope we finally have a sense of humor about this awful spring & wanted to capture “the humor” before it was gone.

Someday little girl we will laugh at these photos!

Wearing lace & feathers.

Take your sweet time little one!! Wait for the sunshine!

Lace top: REALLY old (the Limited). Tank & Jeans: Gap Maternity. Feather hairpiece: handmade.

Nothing too exciting

The Recording Project

Jessi — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 07:00:42 +0000

Gifted women using their gift to bless others. Influential women using their influence to bless others. I love this.

Today I am excited to introduce you to one of these women, Nathalie.

I am so excited about what Nathalie is doing and because I believe in her and her project I am excited to give a portion of our shop’s profits to The Recording Project. Learn more…

Hello lovely Suzie Studios followers, shoppers, & readers. I am beyond honored to be with you today on this GORGEOUS space.

Allow me to introduce myself. Eh hem (clearing throat), my name is Nathalie Whisnant. I’m a thankful & blessed wife of 8 years, and a love crazy mama of almost 6 years (5yr old son, & 3yr old daughter). I live in a small country town outside of Nashville, Tennessee. We live a simple life but a full life- a joyful life- an adventure with our hearts set on following Jesus and knowing Him more.

I’m here today because Jessi has a tender heart and told me she wants to help me with a little project I’ve got going (and we’ve never even met face to face! SHE ROCKS!)

Let me spend a few quick moments telling you about my project. I’m partnering with The Mocha Club this month (April) and am doing a Purpose Project. What’s a Purpose Project , you ask? It’s a way for people like you and me to help to put some purpose behind our passions and help raise funds for one of The Mocha Club’s incredible causes–all in one month’s time. You set the goal of how much you’d like to raise, and if you reach your goal, you do something you’ve always wanted to do, but have never quite had the gumption or motivation to go for. Mine? Recording an album.

I’m a singer/songwriter at heart. I’ve been singing and writing songs since I was a little girl. I moved to the Nashville area to pursue those dreams. But life happens. Sometimes opportunities missed. Sometimes the Lord lead me in a different direction. But mostly? I’ve just always been afraid to go for it. Afraid of failing at it. Afraid of succeeding at it (does that sound weird?). Lots of fear.

But now, I’ve got some real motivation & a big dose of courage–>The Mocha Club’s “Women at Risk Project”. 1 of 9 women in Ethiopia are involved in the sex industry. And 3 of 4 women contract HIV/AIDS. Beyond sad & hopeless without the hope of Christ! These women are moms, sisters, friends, daughters. They sell themselves because they just want to feed their babies or themselves or take care of their families. They do it because poverty gives them no other choice. They need a different opportunity! The Women at Risk Project takes these women off the streets and puts them through a holistic rehabilitation program which includes: counseling, 12 step program, medical care, childcare, job training, and a JOB making beautiful scarves through fashionABLE. Their lives are CHANGED forever!

My goal is to get 2 women off the streets and into this amazing program. That means raising $800 this month. If I reach my goal, I’m going to write new songs and record an album! Woohooo! And knowing that this isn’t just for me and about me pursuing a dream, its for these women. These women who’s dream is to live a healthy happy life with self-dignity & confidence & joy. A life where they can simply take care of their families and providing for their needs. Wow…it’s humbling. When I feel unsure about this whole Recording Project thing…I think of them.

You can follow my journey on my blog and on T witter, where I’m sharing more about The Recording Project. You can visit my Purpose Project page to donate, if you’d like to do so.

Thank you so much for your sweet time! I appreciate you letting me interrupt your usually scheduled beautiful & creative posts brought to you by the ever-so-lovely Jessi, to share a little of my heart with you today!

while it was just us

Jessi — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 03:58:28 +0000

It has been one of those weeks where I can’t help but write. I don’t know what it is about being 36 weeks pregnant but I have definitely gone off the sentimental ledge. I have spent a lot of time looking at pictures of Anni from this last year. I have carried her around way more than I should, and I have cried at the silliest things for no reason at all.

When it really hit me that our baby will be here soon there were so many things I wanted to do, so ways I want to get ready and (if she could understand) there were so many things I wanted to tell Anni.

I want to tell her…

I will never forget the day we found out we were pregnant for the first time! Your daddy didn’t believe me but I knew, all I needed was a test to confirm. You daddy thought I was crazy but he let me take it anyway. When I came out of the bathroom I exploded into tears of joy mixed with a few tears of fear, within seconds he had done the same. We were going to be parents, but we had no idea what that meant. We had no idea how you would change us!

The day you were born was and will always be one of the greatest days of my life. Love at first sight sounds so cliché but it doesn’t even begin to explain the emotions that I felt seeing you for the first time. I was in complete shock with the emotion of it. I just kept repeating, “Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!” There have been very few times in my life where I have been that speechless but I couldn’t find the words to express what I was feeling. It was a moment I will never forget!

You made me a mommy and because of you I am forever changed!

You have completely captured our hearts. The last eighteen months have been one of the sweetest seasons of my life. You have made even the sleepless nights cherished memories because they were spent with you.

You have brought so much laughter into our home with your constant dancing and dramatic ways. You have brought so much tenderness into our lives with the way that you hug our legs while we are washing dishes and the way you curl up next to us on the couch to make sure we are always touching.

Your daddy and I talk ourselves to sleep at night recalling all of the sweet things you say and do. When you nap for too long we miss you. We race to your room in the morning to be the first one to see you. Nothing will change the joy you bring us. You will always be the one who made us parents, and we are so thankful it was you!

Now, we are getting ready to welcome your little sister into our family. She is going to change us like you did. She is going to multiply our joy. She is going to make our family even more complete. She is going to be her own unique gift to our lives and she will teach us what only she can teach us. She will bring even more laughter and more tenderness! We are SO thankful for her.

You are our girls! We are a family of four! But I want you to know, I loved the days when it was just us.